In an era when many are choosing not to have children, believers stand out as those who choose to fulfill the creation mandate to “be fruitful and multiply” (Gen. 1:28). When many see children as expensive inconveniences, we regard our children to be a blessing from God (Psalm 127). We have high hopes for our children. Even before we were married, Caroline and I eagerly anticipated the blessing of raising offspring who would serve the Lord.
Our first mother, Eve, had similar high hopes for her children. When her first son was born, she declared, “I have gotten a manchild with the help of the LORD” (Gen. 4:1), probably with the hope that Cain would fulfill the promise that her offspring (seed) would crush the offspring of the serpent (Gen. 3:15).
But Eve found out that parenting can be hard. She experienced heartache when Abel was murdered by his brother Cain, who then was estranged from the rest of the family. Yet Eve endured as she continued to bear and raise children with the hope that they would call upon the Name of the Lord (Gen. 4:25-26).
1.) Parenting is spiritual warfare.
While we all recognize the spiritual warfare which takes place in Genesis 3 when the serpent tempts and deceives the woman, the devil is equally active in Genesis 4. Eve and Adam faithfully taught their sons to worship the LORD as is evidenced by the offerings of Cain and Abel (Gen. 4:3-5). When the Lord did not regard him and his offering, Cain became angry. Satan, who is a liar and a murderer (John 8:44) was tempting Cain to vent his anger by killing his brother.
Satan continues to attack families today. Just as he tempted Eve with deadly lies (Gen. 3:4-5), he entices our children to believe religious lies (Col. 2:8-10), and the falsehood that sinful indulgence can be satisfying and liberating (Prov. 7:21-23). In reality such sins are enslaving. “Promising them freedom while they themselves are slaves of corruption; for by what a man is overcome, by this he is enslaved” (2 Pet. 2:19). He tempts young adult children to blame all of their problems on their (“toxic”) parents and sometimes to hate or shun (cancel) them. Spiritual warfare divides families (Luke 12:51-53).
Satan also attacks parents. He is the accuser (Rev. 12:10) who tempts mothers and fathers to believe that they are to blame for their children’s sinful choices. He tempts parents to become angry at God when the children whom they sought to faithfully raise rebel. And he tempts parents to give up all hope.
Parents need to recognize that they are engaged in spiritual warfare (Eph. 6:10-12), and they need to put on the full armor of God so that they can stand firm and endure (Eph. 6:13-18). Our hope is that Jesus has come to destroy the devil and his works (1 John 3:8). He enables us to resist the devil (1 Pet. 5:8-11) by not giving up or giving in to despair.
2.) You can’t save your children.
Many parents falsely believe that if they follow the right parenting formula their children will turn out well, and that if their children, like Cain, fall away, then it is their fault. While Scripture teaches that we are to be faithful parents who discipline and instruct our children without unnecessarily provoking them to anger (Eph. 6:4), results are not guaranteed. Parents are an important influence on their children (Prov. 1:8), but they are not the only influence. Scripture warns that our children will experience other influences from the world, the flesh, and the devil. In the book of Proverbs, the voice of Lady Wisdom cries out to the naïve young person, but Madame Folly also makes her appeal (Prov. 9:1-6, 13-18). As our children approach adulthood, they will make choices that parents cannot control.
Both Cain and Abel were under the same parental influence, yet they turned out very differently because of choices they made—and you can’t blame bad neighbors or social media for Cain’s fall. The LORD Himself warned (counseled) Cain about his murderous anger (Gen. 4:6-7) but Cain refused to listen. Scripture contains many examples of faithful parents whose children turned to folly (Ezek. 18:5-13). The LORD Himself complains about the waywardness of His son, Israel. “Listen, O heavens, and hear, O earth; For the LORD speaks, ‘Sons I have reared and brought up, But they have revolved against Me.’” (Isa. 1:2). Even if we were perfect parents (and we aren’t!) our children would turn away, apart from the grace of God (John 6:44).
3.) Endure in hope.
Even after Eve suffered heartbreak and terrible loss, she continued to bear and raise children as she continued to hope for the fulfillment of God’s promise. In time she saw fruit as some of her offspring “began to call upon the name of the LORD” (Gen. 4:26b).
Similarly, many parents today have been brought to grief. Some have seen children who professed faith at a young age turn away when they reach adulthood. Some have seen their children struggle with addiction, immorality, and gender confusion. Some have lost their children to a premature death. And many are estranged from adult children.
Yet the author to the Hebrews reminds us to endure: “Let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us” (Heb. 12:1). When a child rebels, we may be tempted to lose heart and neglect them and their siblings. Or as the months and years go by without evidence of any spiritual progress we may be tempted to stop praying or reduce our efforts to maintain a good relationship with a wayward child.
Yet, so long as there is life there is hope. The parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) is beloved because so many parents yearn for the return of their prodigals. God is able to save your children. When you feel like giving up, God is able to help you to endure in love. And God offers comfort to those whose hearts are broken because of wayward family members. Psalm 27 applies to sons and daughters as well as fathers and mothers. “For my father and my mother have forsaken me, But the LORD will take me up” (Psalm 27:10). “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD” (Psalm. 27:13-14).
