Among the pool of articles covering tragic topics like suicide, addiction, and miscarriage, the topic of perfectionism doesn’t seem so bad. In fact, you may be asking yourself, “what’s so bad about trying to be perfect anyways?”
Counselors must be aware that perfectionists appear polished, responsible, and organized. They are not outwardly, noticeably falling apart; some are actually excelling. Perfectionism may drive the straight-A student, the neat freak, the perfect “Martha Stewart” housewife, the ministry leader overseeing multiple organizations, or the career-focused man outpacing his colleagues. But it can also drive the parent holding unrealistic expectations for their family, the perfect daughter who is secretly struggling with anorexia and self-harm, or even the toddler with body-focused repetitive behaviors (BFRBs).
Perfectionists are often hoisted up as role models, becoming some unattainable standard of comparison. Yet, perfectionism should never be upheld as a noble character trait, or even dismissed as an obsessive personality quirk. High expectations, discipline, and strong motivation may appear admirable on the surface, but don’t be fooled: when we peel back the layers of this facade, we discover a much more sinister reality.
To properly approach the perfectionist, the counselor must have the correct view and understanding of what God’s Word says about it.
1. Perfectionism Holds a High View of Self
Perfectionism is not the same thing as holiness. Does that come as a surprise to you? The perfectionist often masquerades as one who is “holier than thou,” but inwardly, they are decaying. In fact, God rebuked the most prestigious of Law-keepers by saying, “For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness” (Matt. 23:27-28). If the pious Pharisees had not arrived, then who possibly could?
Jesus Christ became sin on our behalf and fulfilled the Law perfectly in our place because, as law-breakers, we never could (Matt. 5:17; 2 Cor. 5:21; 1 Jn. 3:4). Yet the perfectionist lives as though holiness can be attained apart from a Holy Savior (Rom. 3:10; Eph. 2:8). In doing so, they exalt self and claim to be “like God” (Isa. 13:13–14). At its core, perfectionism is satanic rebellion that opposes God’s design for mankind: to glorify Him and enjoy Him forever. When perfectionists fail God, they may excuse their sin while harshly condemning themselves for falling short of their own standard. Such behavior reveals a heart of deep pride, rooted in self-trust rather than trust in God. This explains why perfectionists are often people pleasers—craving the praise of others, idolizing respect, and criticizing those who do not measure up to their standard of holiness.
In one of my all-time favorite books is Ed Welch’s When People Are Big and God is Small, Welch claims that sinful fear of man is the driving force behind the epidemic of love of self. He addresses the antidote to this selfish thinking– “Know The Fear of the Lord.”
“All experiences of the fear of man share at least one common feature: people are big. They have grown idolatrous proportions in our lives. They control us. Since there is no room in our hearts to worship both God and people, whenever people are big, God is not. Therefore, the first task in escaping the snare of the fear of man is to know that God is awesome and glorious, not other people” (p. 95).
2. Perfectionism Substitutes Performance for Justification
Scripture says we no longer live under Law but under Grace. Yet the perfectionist believes their value depends on doing everything right. The Gospel says otherwise: believers are accepted because of Christ’s righteousness, not their own works. Galatians 2:16 states, “A person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ, so we also have believed in Christ Jesus, in order to be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the law, because by works of the law no one will be justified.” Re-read that last line: “by works of the law no one will be justified.” And remember, in God’s eyes, our best efforts are like filthy rags!
Paul adds in verse 21, “if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose.” So essentially, believing in the merit of your own works denies the very Gospel of Christ. Ephesians 2:8–9 repeats that salvation is by grace through faith, not works, and Romans 5:1 says that through justification by faith we have peace with God through Jesus Christ. Scripture offers the promise and hope of salvation by faith alone (Sola Fide) and through Christ alone (Solus Christus). The perfectionist denies Christ in their religion of self-salvation.
Although perfectionists can be true believers, these verses expose their broken soteriological foundation and deep hypocrisy. Their mindset is so dangerous, in fact, that Paul says anyone who distorts and believes another Gospel should be anathema (ἀνάθεμα)– accursed (Gal. 1:8-9). “For all who rely on works of the law are under a curse,” but praise God that “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law by becoming a curse for us” (Gal. 3:10, 13).
When counseling a perfectionist, you have a duty before God to denounce their false gospel and educate them in proper soteriology. Proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus–justification by faith– is essential to addressing the root of perfectionism.
3. Perfectionism Distorts Sanctification
Just as justification is by faith alone through grace alone, sanctification is also a work of God alone. Sanctification is designed to be a process of growth that includes repentance, setbacks, renewed faith, and gradual transformation, whereby we learn dependence on Christ. Perfectionists resist this process because, with a ruling desire for control, everything must operate on their timetable. They may become discouraged by repeated struggles, interpret slow growth as failure, and then try to fake it until they make it. No wonder perfectionism overlaps with issues like anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm, and substance abuse– what is the person who is always “in control” to do when things suddenly fall outside their control? God has wisely designed sanctification to teach dependence.
“But Scripture says to ‘work out my own salvation!’” they might protest. To this we should add the remainder of the verse: “…for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure” (Phil 2:12-13). In our weakness, God receives the glory as His power is made perfect (2. Cor. 11:30, 12:5, 12:9). Paul asks the glory thieves, “Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?” (Gal. 3:3). Teach your counselees about the precious gift of the Holy Spirit, and remind them that the Christian life is not marked by sinless arrival, but by ongoing conformity into the image of Christ.
Conclusion
Perfectionism is not simply about wanting to do things well; it is a self-governing, sinful demand to perform flawlessly. It reveals a high view of self, substitutes performance for justification, and distorts sanctification into a self-driven pursuit of holiness. That demand shapes the perfectionist’s thoughts, emotions, choices, and relationships. When they succeed, they may feel secure. When they fail, they spiral into shame, anxiety, indecision, self-punishment, or despair.
But in Christ, we are freed from life-dominating sin, no matter how entangling (Rom. 6:14). God’s way is better: humility instead of self-exaltation, justification by faith instead of performance, and sanctification by grace instead of striving. Here, weary souls find true rest (Matt. 11:28–30).
The perfectionist is not so perfect after all—but Jesus is.
Further Steps Towards Change
- Establish a right view of self and of God (read When People Are Big and God is Small & complete the assignments)
- Meditate on verses that build trust and fear of the Lord rather than self (Job 40-41, Ps. 18:30, Prov. 3:5–6, Gal. 2:15-21; 3, Phil 1:6, Col. 1:21-23, 11-14, Rom. 3:20, 7:4-25)
- Expose heretical beliefs and educate in proper doctrine (soteriology, pneumatology, etc.)
- Build a practice of responding to failure with confession and repentance rather than self-punishment (Pray through Psalm 51)
- Begin each day offering yourself as a living sacrifice to God (Rom. 12:1-2)
