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5 Resources for Helping Sexual Abuse Victims

5 Resources for Helping Sexual Abuse Victims

Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are virtually overwhelmed with the hashtag #metoo, identifying people who have suffered at the hands of an abuser.As each high profile case hits the headlines, our hearts are burdened by the victim’s suffering and we long to help. Over the years, IBCD has invited pastors and counselors to share with us how to speak the truth of God’s love tenderly to those who have been abused. The Word of God is a powerful comfort that rescues the weak and needy (Ps 82:1-4). We want you to know that these solid, biblical resources are now located together in one place and can be easily accessed as you seek to minister the love of God.

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A New Phase for the Newheisers

A New Phase for the Newheisers

This article was written by Christina Henson for use in the IBCD Winter Newsletter. Christina recently had the opportunity to interview Jim & Caroline Newheiser and discuss their new roles at Reformed Theological Seminary in Charlotte, North Carolina.

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Are You Burdened Out?

Are You Burdened Out?

Whether you’re a counselor, pastor, or friend, when you love hurting people you’ll eventually feel the weight of their pain.[1] And when you carry lots of people’s burdens, you may start to feel stretched beyond your limits, and spread thin, “like butter that has been...

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Battling Discontent with God

Battling Discontent with God

It doesn’t take much to see we live in a discontent society. Turn on any television and within seconds you will observe it. But discontentment is not just isolated to the world. Often Christians battle discontentment in their own hearts. Discontentment seeks to...

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Beyond Preparation

Beyond Preparation

As a fledgling counselor, I put a lot of time, toil, tears, and sweat into session preparation. I devoured every Scripture and supplemental resource on an endless list of topics. I wanted to be prepared for anything. Are you deathly phobic of mayonnaise? I’ve read all...

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Bible Literacy: Developed or Assumed?

Bible Literacy: Developed or Assumed?

“Blessed are those who keep His testimonies,  Who seek Him with their whole heart,  Who also do no wrong but walk in His ways! You have commanded your precepts to be kept diligently. Your testimonies are my delight.  They are my counselors.” Psalm 119: 2-4, 24 As...

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Book Review: “But God” by Casey Lute

Book Review: “But God” by Casey Lute

The Focus The tagline for "But God…" reads, “the two words are the heart of the Gospel”. Casey Lute offers commentary on nine crucial points in Scripture in which we see the God of Salvation enter the picture and save. This look at the beauty of the gospel inspires a...

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Book Review: Gentle and Lowly by Dane Ortlund

Book Review: Gentle and Lowly by Dane Ortlund

Years ago, I saw a picture colored by a small kid sitting in a church service. Looming over the whole page was a big-headed man on a big platform behind a big pulpit holding a big Bible, with a prominent scowl and dark, frowny eyebrows. I don’t know the artistic...

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Book Review: Help[H]er

Book Review: Help[H]er

It isn’t groundbreaking to state that women should be involved in the care of other women in the local church, yet they are so often excluded. Help[H]er: A Churchwide Response for Women in Crisis by Bernie Lawrence and Ann Maree Goudzwaard is a concise, poignant, and...

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Book Review: Money: Seeking God’s Wisdom

Book Review: Money: Seeking God’s Wisdom

Dr. Jim Newheiser’s expertise is taking a worldly problem and paring it down to its biblical definition and solution. In the Lord’s wisdom, he has orchestrated a pattern to moneymaking and wealth management. He designed work as something good, present before the fall...

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Book Review: The Gospel Comes with a House Key

Book Review: The Gospel Comes with a House Key

A Life of Hospitality In The Gospel Comes with a House Key [1], Rosaria Butterfield invites us into a life of sacrifice and open doors. She has lived it and she surely has stories to tell. Most of the book is written anecdotally, offering a personal glimpse into the...

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Called to Peace: A Book Review

Called to Peace: A Book Review

Unfortunately, too many Christian women have to endure the heartbreak of domestic abuse. Unfortunately, too many pastors and biblical counselors are ill-equipped to deal with the trauma and complexity of abuse cases. Unfortunately, some of us deal with abuse cases not...

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Confronting the Winsome, Manipulative Husband

Confronting the Winsome, Manipulative Husband

For six months I met with a husband who was so likeable! He talked of how he struggled to be obedient to God, how his faith was existent, just waning, and how he wanted to love his wife but simply didn’t know what to do. Six months of this! And in that six months, his...

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Consider Wildflowers

Consider Wildflowers

“Stop and smell the roses,” they say. As if you didn’t have eighty-eight thousand tasks, as if you didn’t have deadlines or drama or diapers. In our rapid-fire, tech-oriented society, who has the luxury of stopping to sit in nature like a bohemian free spirit? Even in...

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5 Resources for Helping Sexual Abuse Victims

Counseling an Abuser: 3 Steps

Domestic violence is something that no one counselor ever wants to encounter, but with a reported 1 in 3 women claiming to have experienced violence by an intimate partner, the unfortunate reality is that men in our churches do abuse their wives. The church should be lauded as an advocate for the oppressed as well as an entity calling abusers to true repentance, but too often she has fallen short of this ideal. Thanks be to God that even in a complex issue like domestic violence, both abusers and their victims can have hope in the gospel.

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Counseling the Fool (Part 1)

Counseling the Fool (Part 1)

WHAT, EXACTLY, IS A FOOL? Jason’s main goal in life was to make his mother miserable. His parents divorced when he was nine-years-old, and Jason blamed his mom for all of the hurt and pain he felt; he wanted to inflict as much pain on her as possible. But Jason’s mom...

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Counseling the Fool (Part 1)

Counseling the Fool (Part 2)

5 TYPES OF FOOLS The premise of this blog series is that there are various types and degrees of foolishness. This post will present the biblical terms related to folly, exhibiting the successive degrees of foolishness, and then revealing the heart of a fool. THE...

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Counseling the Fool (Part 1)

Counseling the Fool (Part 3)

HELPING THE FOOL CHANGE Six principles should be implemented in order to help the fool become wise and lead them to biblical change.[1] First, it is essential to show the fool from God’s Word that there is hope (Prov. 13:12; Rom. 15:1-6). Some fools will come asking...

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Counseling the Fool (Part 1)

Counseling the Fool (Part 4)

PURSUING WISDOM Do you remember Jason? I mentioned him in the first part of the blog series. He was the boy who had his heart wrapped up in folly while on a trajectory that led to destruction. Although I changed the names of other people mentioned in this blog, I want...

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Counseling with Metanarrative in Mind

Counseling with Metanarrative in Mind

When counseling, I have the privilege of entering into the story of another. These individual narratives, unique to the characters inhabiting them, involve a variety of movements. Though some are predicable, following the usual patterns and challenges of life, many...

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Covenantal, Biblical Counsel

Covenantal, Biblical Counsel

I met her at Starbucks, across the street from the hospital. She was frantic. She was typically frantic when we got together, but this time it was worse. She was off her meds.[1] I studied her eyes. She told me about her nightmares and panic attacks. I found myself...

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Covert Patriarchy: Part 1

Covert Patriarchy: Part 1

I am what is often called in theological terms a “strong complementarian.” I hold to the traditional Christian position that church leadership should be comprised of men and that women ought not to teach mixed-group adult church gatherings. I also believe that God has...

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Covert Patriarchy: Part 1

Covert Patriarchy: Part 2

Part 1 established that a husband’s status as leader within the family is not derived from his superiority in wisdom or morality. Complementarian men are quick to acknowledge this truth, but a gap often exists between ideas and life. This post looks at the first two...

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Covert Patriarchy: Part 1

Covert Patriarchy: Part 3

Part 2 of this series looked at the first two ways in which complementarian men slide into functional patriarchy. Today’s discussion adds the navigation of a husband’s and wife’s desires. 3) Desires Desires are good, God-given impulses, and human life would grind to a...

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Covert Patriarchy: Part 1

Covert Patriarchy: Part 4

This is the last in a four-part series on ways complementarian men can degrade into patriarchy in the way they consider their wives’ interpretation of and reaction to situations and their desires. Today's post concludes this series with a word on theological aptitude....

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Danielle’s Story – Behind the Scenes of an Observation Video

Danielle’s Story – Behind the Scenes of an Observation Video

Daelynn Romo is a wife and mother of three, an active church member and a friend of IBCD. She is also the face of Danielle, a counselee in one of IBCD’s Observation Videos. At the urging of her husband, Danielle comes to seek counsel from her pastor’s wife after an old struggle with an eating disorder re-emerges. We asked Daelynn to talk with us about her experience and to share her own story.

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Educating your Elders about Abuse

Educating your Elders about Abuse

Well-meaning church leaders often fail to distinguish between ordinary marital conflict and situations in which one spouse is abusing the other. The abusive spouse, usually the husband, is often able to manipulate inexperienced counselors by deflecting attention from...

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Facing Seasonal Loneliness

Facing Seasonal Loneliness

Life is riddled with lonely seasons. Friends get married—you’re still single. Soldiers get deployed. Spouses separate. People disappoint and wound us. We disappoint and wound others. People die. And we are lonely. Loneliness is like a sudden tide, that, “in the most...

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Finding a “New Normal” After Suicide Loss

Finding a “New Normal” After Suicide Loss

As dark as life gets when you lose someone to suicide, you can truly experience hope. You may have serious doubts today, and wonder how you can possibly go on, but you will survive. Your life will never be the same—that is true. Fellow survivor Albert Hsu wrote, Those...

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Focusing on God Alone

Focusing on God Alone

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. (Psalm 73:25) Life can be super busy. Many activities and challenges compete for our time and attention—work, family, friends, church, sports, and shopping—distracting us from...

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Forgiveness: The Pathway to Freedom

Forgiveness: The Pathway to Freedom

“Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” (Colossians 3:13) Relationships are difficult. Interaction with others is essential—which means that someone will...

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Gaze on God and Imitate What you See

Gaze on God and Imitate What you See

Louis Berkhof makes an interesting comment. He says, “None of the attributes of God are incommunicable in the sense that there is no trace of them found in man.”[1] In light of Berhof’s thought, listen to the words of 2 Corinthians 3:18: “And we all, with unveiled...

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God’s Grace Meets Our Regrets

God’s Grace Meets Our Regrets

by Anna Mondal Do you ever feel like you’ve missed God’s will? Like you made an irreversibly wrong choice, and your life is off track forever? If I had chosen a different college major, I’d have a real job by now. If I’d been a better parent, my child wouldn’t be...

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Helping the Hopeless: God’s Nearness is Your Good

Helping the Hopeless: God’s Nearness is Your Good

Often when counselees succumb to fear and doubt over troubling circumstances, they allow it to rule the day and consequently feel helpless and hopeless. So where should their help come from when they feel all hope is gone? Where can they turn when their suffering...

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I’m Sorry

I’m Sorry

How many times have you stood in front of the person you have offended and said these words, “I’m sorry.” Let’s dissect what these words convey. We often hear children apologize with these same words when they accidentally spill milk. They communicate, "I messed up.”...

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Identifying with Our Idols

Identifying with Our Idols

“Those who make them become like them; so do all who trust in them.” (Ps. 115:8)  Many chefs love cooking with a unique food called tofu. It is a bean curd made from soybean and milk pressed into solid white blocks. It is one of the most versatile foods—which can be...

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Introducing the Hope + Help Podcast

Introducing the Hope + Help Podcast

Announcing The Hope + Help Podcast IBCD is pleased to announce the launch of the Hope + Help Podcast on Monday, February 24th. The show, hosted by author and writer Christine Chappell, is intended to provide listeners with rich, biblical conversations about life’s...

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5 Resources for Helping Sexual Abuse Victims

Learning from King David’s Failure

We were shocked last week when we heard that Charles had been caught in a pattern of adultery and deceit and had been removed from office. How could such a thing happen to a man who seemed to have it all together, who had successfully passed through the temptations of his younger years, who seemed to have everything a minister could want? Does this mean that his entire ministry had been a lie? Are the books, articles and tapes he produced worthless? Or did something happen to take a man who had been qualified and used of God and ruin him?

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Let the Lord Use You

Let the Lord Use You

Maybe you've sat in on a few counseling sessions. Perhaps you’ve watched biblical counseling videos but have yet to officially counsel someone. You wouldn't dare. Most of us never feel ready to counsel. It’s a daunting task to put yourself out there while still...

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Loneliness: A Pathway to God

Loneliness: A Pathway to God

by Shannon Kay McCoy “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.” (Psalm 25:16) Have you ever felt utterly alone? Have you experienced the dark cloud of loneliness?  Loneliness is an unsettling feeling of disconnection from others, whether alone...

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Loving our Littlest Neighbors

Loving our Littlest Neighbors

Many Christian parents lack confidence in their biblical knowledge or feel ill equipped to correctly answer their child’s theological questions. These parents rightly desire to grow in knowledge and discernment (Philippians 1:9-10) and to be ready to give an answer...

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Not So Fast

Not So Fast

I’m a patient woman. I can wait in the self-checkout line at least 26 seconds before I start deep-sighing and foot-tapping. I’ve also built up to exactly three seconds before I blast my horn at a still-stopped car when the light turns green. I can’t speak globally,...

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Put Off, Be Renewed, Put On

Put Off, Be Renewed, Put On

There are a few passages within biblical counseling that encapsulate tenets that are crucial to counseling—Proverbs 4:23, the heart; Matthew 12:34, communication; 1 Corinthians 10:13, hope; Ephesians 4:22-24, the process of change. Having an understanding of these...

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Right Passage, Wrong Verb

Right Passage, Wrong Verb

I believe we have missed the mark in ministering to women held captive by their husband’s cruel words. I want you to know that the reason I feel I have permission to say this is that I am one of the chief offenders. I’ve been a biblical counselor for over ten years,...

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Right Priorities in Counseling Supervision

Right Priorities in Counseling Supervision

“A good counselor is first a good counselee.” This biblical counseling mantra is never more true than in the final supervision phase of the ACBC certification process. It was while being supervised by ACBC Fellow, Dr. Nicholas Ellen, that I learned a helpful acronym...

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Saying Horrors to God

Saying Horrors to God

You sit, sick with sorrow, as your counselee discloses stories of incest, a forced abortion, or cruel childhood neglect. And these things you shudder to think of, had to be endured.[1] What do you say in response to the unsayable? God provides (and Christ models) an...

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Suffering in This World

Suffering in This World

“In this life, you will have tribulation...” (Jn. 16:33). Suffering … must we? A Biblical Example of Suffering There are numerous people in God’s Word who suffered well under provocation, for our example, encouragement, and hope (Rom. 15:4). Hannah is a wonderful...

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Talk to Me, Don’t Text Me

Talk to Me, Don’t Text Me

I once heard Sam Crabtree, who wrote one of my favorite books “Practicing Affirmation”, say that he had thought of writing a follow-up volume about “Practicing Correction”. But he said that if he did so, it would need to be a much longer book. This is because Sam...

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The Blessings of Counseling Children – Part 1

The Blessings of Counseling Children – Part 1

This article is the first in a series focused on counseling the young members of our community. It addresses the importance of speaking the Word of God to the children among us. Biblical counselors should be equipped to help children who need counseling. Children are...

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The Case for Counseling in a Church Office

The Case for Counseling in a Church Office

Last month I made the case for why biblical counseling should often take place in our homes. Of course, you’ll notice that in my entire post I never quoted a single Bible verse that required personal ministry to take place in the home. That’s because there isn’t one....

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The Case for Counseling in Public Spaces

The Case for Counseling in Public Spaces

I’ve previously made the case for why counseling should take place in our homes as well as why it should take place in church offices. However, these aren’t the only two options when it comes to biblical counseling. The truth is, biblical counseling can (and often...

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The Case for Counseling in Your Home

The Case for Counseling in Your Home

Whenever someone reaches out to meet with you, whether it’s a friend who sends you a text, or a church member who has asked the church staff for someone to talk to, there are all sorts of initial questions you might have.  You’ll probably want to have a general idea...

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The Case for Counseling Through the Written Word

The Case for Counseling Through the Written Word

by Scott Mehl Over the past few months I’ve made the case for why counseling ought to take place in our homes, church offices, and public spaces. I hope that, by now, you’ve come to appreciate that counseling doesn’t just take one form, but can vary significantly in...

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The Danger of Gospel-less Discipleship

The Danger of Gospel-less Discipleship

Have you ever seen someone change without the gospel? People do it all the time. They discover a new diet or decide to turn over a new leaf, and significant change absolutely takes place. Maybe they lose 20, 40, or 100 lbs.  Maybe they stop drinking and begin to spend...

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The Rest of the Story

The Rest of the Story

by Ann Maree Goudzwaard A particularly fruitful exercise in the practice of biblical counseling is data gathering. The Personal Data Inventory helps counselors discover basic information about the counselee and the nature of their problem. Counselors can refer back to...

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The Shape of Oppression: Part 2

The Shape of Oppression: Part 2

A few years ago my favorite[1] professor at RTS Charlotte wrote a book called What’s your Worldview? In it, he used an interactive method similar to the Choose Your Own Adventure (CYOA) children’s gamebook series. It invited the reader to “make key decisions or...

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Tribute to George Scipione by Ann Maree Goudzwaard

Tribute to George Scipione by Ann Maree Goudzwaard

I didn’t know George “Skip” Scipione for a long time, but he really did feel like a life-long friend. That’s just how George was; hospitable, thoughtful, and kind hearted. If you were fortunate to spend any time with George and his wife, Eileen, you know what I mean....

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Tribute to George Scipione by Betsy Smith

Tribute to George Scipione by Betsy Smith

George (Skip) Scipione was my boss from June of 1994 to 2006. I was a counselee back in 1991 and a fledgling Christian. I knew the gospel, but didn't know "worry" was a sin! My eyes were opened to Biblical Counseling and when the job came up to help manage the office...

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Tribute to George Scipione by Craig Marshall

Tribute to George Scipione by Craig Marshall

I first heard about George over a decade ago when I was a new employee at the IBCD office in Escondido. I had not met him, but he was the organization’s founder and former director, who was living on the east coast. It took me a while to connect that someone people...

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Tribute to George Scipione by Elyse Fitzpatrick

Tribute to George Scipione by Elyse Fitzpatrick

I have had the immense blessing of being surrounded by numerous people, men and women, who have brought their gifts to bear in my life in ways that have transformed me for the better. George Scipione (Skip) was one of them. In some ways, he has been one of the most...

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Tribute to George Scipione by Jack Dundas

Tribute to George Scipione by Jack Dundas

Spending any time at all with Skip was such an enriching experience. Remembering his puns (about everything, nothing was off-limits), hearing him talk to students, professors, counselors, etc., but especially his prayers will always stick with me. He knew who this God...

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Tribute to George Scipione by Jim Newheiser

Tribute to George Scipione by Jim Newheiser

I thank God for the life of George Scipione. He was my professor of counseling in seminary in 1987 and then my mentor as we worked together at IBCD, formerly CCEF West, beginning in 1994 (2 Tim. 2:2). George asked me to take over as Director of IBCD in 2006. George...

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Tribute to George Scipione by Joel Fitzpatrick

Tribute to George Scipione by Joel Fitzpatrick

The Gift of a Good Father-in-Law: In Memory of George Scipione There has been a lot said about the way George faithfully lived his life as a Pastor, Mentor, Teacher, Counselor, and more. But, I want to tell you about what it has been like to live with George as a...

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Tribute to George Scipione by Marsha (McGaugh) Teas

Tribute to George Scipione by Marsha (McGaugh) Teas

When I think of George (Skip) Scipione what comes to mind are two words – humble and crusty! He was an accomplished counselor, a pastor and a seminary professor with a Ph.D. after his name, but he was “just” Skip, and he made you feel very comfortable around him. I...

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What’s in a Name?

What’s in a Name?

I have a rather difficult name. Ever since I was a child I’ve had to explain it. I have two first names but no middle name, and, for some reason, this doesn’t make sense to people. Additionally, “Ann Maree” doesn’t roll naturally off the tongue. Typically, folks (my...

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When You Hear “I Can’t”

When You Hear “I Can’t”

“I can’t.” “I’ve hit my limit.” “It’s just too hard.” “This situation makes me respond that way.” “I can’t help myself.” If you’ve spent any amount of time ministering to others, I’m sure you’ve heard these kinds of statements. They are the statements of the...

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Worshipping Christ Through Discipleship

Worshipping Christ Through Discipleship

As one pastor so aptly stated, “The Christian life is the discipled life and the discipling life”.[1] When the resurrected Christ met his eleven disciples on the mountain he had designated, He said to them, “Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the...

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