Author

  • Shannon McCoy
    Shannon is a Biblical Counselor certified by ACBC and has a Master of Arts degree in Biblical Counseling (MABC) from The Master’s University. She's the author of Help! I’m A Slave to Food and contributing author to Women Counseling Women. She is a retreat and conference speaker. She serves on the Counsel Board and is a contributing blogger for the Biblical Counseling Coalition. Raised in South Carolina, Shannon graduated from the College of Charleston with a BA in Biology and the Medical University of South Carolina with a BS in Cytotechnology. She works as a Cytotechnologist for a medical laboratory. Connect with Shannon at shannonkaymccoy.com.
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Category: Articles

Two Truths and a Lie for the Divorced

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December 8, 2023

One day, I found myself seated on the bedroom floor, tears streaming down my face as I stared at divorce papers. The realization hit hard—I was now a divorced Christian and a single mother. The weight of embarrassment and shame kept me from facing my church community. The shared ministry dreams I had with my husband were shattered, and my aspirations to minister to women seemed like distant memories. Doubt crept in—I felt like damaged goods, convinced that God couldn’t use me anymore.

In those moments of despair, the words from Nahum 1:7, “The LORD is good,” seemed challenging to believe. The pain of divorce cast a shadow over this truth. The raw hurt and profound loss made it difficult to perceive God’s goodness. The wreckage of shattered marital hopes left me engulfed in a whirlwind of emotions—rejection, anger, depression, helplessness, resentment, bitterness, dejection, loneliness, and worthlessness.

Life, as I once knew it, had come to an end. Yet, amid the darkness, I clung to the understanding that God’s goodness isn’t contingent on our circumstances. Even in adversity, He works to revitalize His relationship with the divorced, restore His purpose for us, and reestablish the joy that can be found despite the pain. Amid this challenging terrain, it becomes crucial to discern between truths that free us and lies that hinder and torment us. Let’s explore two profound truths and challenge a common lie regarding divorce.

Truth: Divorce Does Not Disqualify Us from a Revitalized Relationship with God

No one walks down the aisle with the expectation of facing the painful reality of divorce. It is a thief. It steals emotional and financial stability, family and social relationships, and faith and confidence in a good God. The cry of our hearts often echoes, “Why would a good God allow divorce to be a part of my life’s story?” Divorce is an experience of grief—a journey marked by loss that can leave one questioning God’s goodness.
However, the truth is that God’s goodness is not diminished by the trials of divorce. Rather, it serves as a beacon of hope and restoration. Divorce does not relegate us to a second-class relationship with God. The pain may feel isolating, sharp enough to sever our connection with Him, but God’s goodness revives our relationship with Himself.

To revitalize means to restore to life, to add newness and strength. Just as a good night’s sleep revitalizes the body, God’s goodness revitalizes our relationship with Him. God’s goodness brings life back into our fractured connection with Him. Divorce does not diminish our worth in God’s eyes; it does not change our status as His cherished child. God never abandons or forsakes us. In moments when we feel God is distant, His goodness assures us that He is here with us. God is drawn to those in pain from a broken heart and saves the crushed spirit (Psalm 34:18). God’s goodness ensures that, even in the face of divorce, He remains close, offering a restored and flourishing relationship.

Truth: Divorce Does Not Disqualify Us from God’s Purpose for Our Lives

The misconception that divorce disqualifies us from God’s calling is debunked by the truth that God’s goodness restores our purpose. Romans 8:28 declares that God causes all things, even the status of divorce, to work together for good. Our brokenness becomes a canvas for God’s redemptive work.

In the aftermath of divorce, it’s easy to feel like damaged goods, as if our purpose has been stripped away. We are not defined by our marital relationship status; we are defined by our relationship with Him. God’s goodness steps in to restore our purpose. He gently reminds us of our identity in Christ—unblemished, cherished, and deeply loved. Our calling, which may have felt obscured or lost, is reintroduced by a God who sees beyond our brokenness.

Contrary to feeling relegated to the sidelines, God’s goodness ensures that we gain full recognition and acceptance of our status as children of God. We are not meant to be shelved; we are designed to be used by the Creator of the universe. The purpose He has for us is not diminished by divorce; rather, it is refined and redirected toward a path of growth, purpose, and divine fulfillment.

Lie: Divorce Disqualifies You from a Joyful Life

Divorce may steal our joy momentarily, but the lie that it permanently disqualifies us from a joyful life is shattered by the truth of God’s goodness. The truth of God’s goodness, as highlighted in John 15:11, emphasizes that Jesus desires His joy to be in us, leading to a completeness of joy. This implies that external circumstances, such as divorce, do not have the power to permanently strip away the joy that comes from a relationship with Christ.

His goodness means He restores hope and peace to the divorced. The promise of a joyful life is not exclusive to those untouched by divorce; it is a promise for everyone, including those navigating the complexities of life post-divorce. The journey may be challenging, filled with confusing emotions, physical problems, financial difficulties, and spiritual struggles, but God’s goodness is greater than the challenges of divorce.

Divorce is not the end of our story. God’s goodness revives, restores, and reestablishes our lives. Embrace these truths that free us and reject the lies that seek to torment us. Our journey may be marked by divorce, but it is also marked by the unwavering goodness of a God who walks with us through every chapter of our lives.

Author

  • Shannon McCoy
    Shannon is a Biblical Counselor certified by ACBC and has a Master of Arts degree in Biblical Counseling (MABC) from The Master’s University. She's the author of Help! I’m A Slave to Food and contributing author to Women Counseling Women. She is a retreat and conference speaker. She serves on the Counsel Board and is a contributing blogger for the Biblical Counseling Coalition. Raised in South Carolina, Shannon graduated from the College of Charleston with a BA in Biology and the Medical University of South Carolina with a BS in Cytotechnology. She works as a Cytotechnologist for a medical laboratory. Connect with Shannon at shannonkaymccoy.com.
    View all posts
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