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Data-Gathering: 40 Questions for Sexual Problems

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40 questions for counselors to ask when working with a counselee who struggles sexual problems. This could also be given as homework to be filled out by the counselee.

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  1. Do you recall any specific event that may have affected your sex life?
  2. Word-association test ~ what do you think of when you hear the word ‘sex?’
  3. What was your parents’ attitude about sex? (mother, father)
  4. What did you learn from your parents about sex? Did your parents enjoy sex?
  5. Was affection shown freely by your parents to one another? To you and your brothers and sisters?
  6. What was your first sexual experience? What was your reaction to it?
  7. Were you ever sexually molested or violated? Briefly describe circumstances.
  8. What excited you sexually in the past? What excites you sexually now?
  9. What stirs up sexual guilt or shame in you now?
  10. What does the Bible say about sex? Describe as fully as you can. What are God’s purposes for sex?
  11. What is proper and improper in sexual relations? What would be wrong?
  12. Did you participate in petting on dates? On most dates? With certain individuals? How far did you go? To the point of manipulating the genital area of your partner? Vice versa? Ever to intercourse? How did you react to these experiences? Guilt? Shame? Were you ever suspected or caught? Punished?
  13. Were you ever engaged to be married or seriously involved in other courtships before meeting your present husband or wife? Why terminated?
  14. What attracted you most to your husband/ wife?
  15. Are these qualities (reasons / attractions) still present today?
  16. What were your expectations regarding sex, love-making and intercourse before marriage? Were these expectations fulfilled at some point within the first year of marriage? If not, describe.
  17. Describe your honeymoon. Sexual difficulties? If so, what?
  18. How frequently did you have sex during the first month of marriage? Enjoy frequency?
  19. Usual frequency now?
  20. Who usually initiates relations? Who chooses time?
  21. Do you have a preference for a time of day and situation for lovemaking? Describe.
  22. Do you tell your spouse what pleases you and displeases you about sexual intercourse?
  23. Do you have fun together frequently? Doing what?
  24. Do you confide in one another? On a scale of 0-10 where are you?
  25. What trait, behavior pattern, or habit does your mate have that tends to diminish your sexual desires toward your mate?
  26. Do you still find your mate attractive?
  27. What do you want most in the way of attitude, behavior, etc., that your mate doesn’t provide you now?
  28. Do you think you are attractive? Were you a pretty child? Were you attractive during courtship? Would you like to change anything about yourself?
  29. Are you attractive to your mate?
  30. What are your greatest attributes as a person? To your mate?
  31. How do your sexual problems affect your mate (generally and then sexually)?
  32. What do you think causes you to malfunction sexually?
  33. Have you ever functioned satisfactorily?
  34. What is your concept of effective sexually functioning?
  35. To what extent were you and your mate involved sexually before marriage? Did you have sexual intercourse? If so, have you ever repented of this as sin to one another and to God?
  36. Have you or your mate had extra-marital sexual activity since marriage? Describe.
  37. Do you enjoy touching and being touched? Do you and your mate use body contact frequently?
  38. Would you like your mate to touch you more or less? Give reasons.
  39. Do certain words or sounds bring special pleasure to you? Bring displeasure to you?
  40. What could you do to more fully please your mate sexually?

1 Response

  1. Sally McMurray

    “40 QUESTIONS FOR SEXUAL PROBLEMS” should have been titled, “Signs and symptoms of abuse”. Sexual abuse is usually accompanied by other forms of abuse such as mental, emotional, physical, and verbal abuses. I liked many of the questions, but thought there needed to be some that are open-ended because one’s experiences in this area cannot fit in a little check box. Sexual abuse is a multifaceted and sensitive area of study compounded by many layers. For some, its a life sentence because they just don’t see things the way they did before. Outcomes for the victims, I see as a spectrum that is influenced by severity and occurrences. The victim will have to find a way to cope with the trauma internally, which produces another complicated layer. We always hope for the best, but just a few coping mechanisms used are addiction, suicide, promiscuity, prostitution, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, withdrawn, isolated, numb and distant, etc. In severe cases like my own, many will suppress everything, while the bodies defense mechanism will often block things out. One can end up with distorted views about myself, God, Christ, men, sex, love, relationships, self-punishment, and a shell of a person. Another factor is the era in which the incident(s) occurred. Societies views on women’s rights, their value, taboo, kept quite to know where we are beginning to make some progress. Back in Biblical times, women who were raped were seen as unclean, unmarriageable, would never have status, and was considered damaged goods. Could you imagine what these victims were traumatized over and over for something they had no control over. Honestly, being a survivor myself, I know that it has not changed much since then, but at least women are beginning to open up more and finding the available resources. We still have such a long way to go. Sorry 4#count

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